Weekly Volcano Erupts with Funnies
by J. Anthony
Dahlonega Says: I will admit, I haven’t exactly stayed current with what the Weekly Volcano (www.weeklyvolcano.com) puts out, but I did find these interesting “Best of” mentions for Tacoma-Pierce County. I’ll spare you the Best Intoxicating Pizza and the Best Place to Lose Tongue Skin, but I’ll give plenty of props to the Volcano for its political wit. Who’s the area’s best politician? How about the best political pimp? Any guesses on the best made up political party? Here are my faves from the July 31 issue…
If there was any doubt who Pierce County’s best politician was going into this year’s race for County Executive, that question has been unequivocally answered. Calvin Goings (who luckily for the Weekly Volcano’s Best of Tacoma issue has a Tacoma address, even though his farm is really in the Summit-Waller area of Puyallup) has more than proven his political moving and shaking is as good as it gets. Whether it’s garnering endorsements from far and wide, or turning seemingly every day dealings from his current gig as a Pierce County councilmember into divisive County Exec campaign talking points, Goings has mastered the game. Think about the notches on Goings’ belt over the last six months alone: Call for the head of Chuck Kleeberg who oversees Pierce County’s Planning and Land Services Department to show voters his love of accountability? Check. Enrage fellow County Exec candidate Mike Lonergan by furiously mailing out invitations to an ethics town hall — building powerful name recognition with taxpayer money? Check. Turn the Pierce County budget shortfall and current Exec John Ladenburg’s suggested cuts to solve the problem into a demonstration of his dedication to law enforcement? Check. Use the 4-3 vote against a proclamation declaring gay pride day in Pierce County by the Republican controlled Pierce County Council to paint Shawn Bunney as the gay hating bigot he probably is. Check. When it comes to politics, Goings is a master. Over the last six months he’s proved it. The Weekly Volcano can, without the slightest afterthought, declare the man Tacoma’s Best Politician. — Matt Driscoll
Dahlonega Says: Calvin is certainly the best politician, in the worst way.
Best Political Pimp
He didn’t get elected, but Marty Campbell does what few people do — he’s an everyday guy who occasionally moves mountains. Most of the time, he just moves — from meeting to meeting, committee to committee, and movement to movement. Campbell is a real man of the people, and a hustler with few equals. He hasn’t slowed down just because Tacoma’s citizens didn’t vote him into office. Campbell is still at it. And now he has a sexy beard. In the past, he has been the chair, leader or active member of the Downtown Merchants Group, Cross District Business Association, Tacoma Transportation Committee, New Tacoma Neighborhood Council, the committee on housing affordability in Tacoma, Downtown Parking and Transit Committee, the board of the Grand Cinema, Tacoma Arts Community, Tacoma and Tacoma’s Downtown Parking Advisory Committee. That’s not even half. We hope he will add Weekly Volcano Political Pimp of 2008 to his growing list of titles and accomplishments. — JH
Dahlonega Says: Marty’s awesome. It’s true – he’s pimpin’.
Best Made Up Political Party
If you thought current Tacoma City Councilmember Mike Lonergan didn’t have a creative bone in his gray, conservative body — you thought wrong, bubba. Mikey L proved this year he just may be the most creative candidate for County Executive that Pierce County has to choose from. When Lonergan failed to win the nomination of the Republican Party at the Pierce County Convention in April, it didn’t stop him. Though his god-fearing, Harvard taught ways seem perfect for PC’s GOP, Shawn “man boobs” Bunney walked away with the nomination. So Lonergan created his own party. Calling it “Executive Excellence,” Lonergan’s desperate invention instantly became the Best Made Up Political Party in Tacoma when he announced to supporters over breakfast at Oscar’s Restaurant on Hosmer (no joke) his intention to claim victory for the “Executive Excellence” party in November. While Lonergan makes a point — he does have more “executive” experience than any other candidate running for County Executive (so would the devil if he was on the ballot.), you can’t help but feel a little embarrassed for good ol’ Mike. Executive Excellence is creative, yes, but it’s also a tad bit ridiculous. Plus, his campaign signs make Lonergan look like a bloated and decrepit Beaver Clever. Probably not the excellent look Lonergan was hoping for. — MD
Dahlonega Says: Definition of Pierce County irony – The best educated, experienced, and well-versed County Executive Candidate doesn’t have a chance by most accounts, while an overweight guy from the sticks who gets a nickname like “man boobs” is considered a serious contender.