Obama actually an Anarchist-Muslim-Socialist-Terrorist
To the utter shock and dismay of billions around the world, in his victory speech, President Elect Barack Obama admitted to everything skeptics and conspiracy theorists had claimed all along, that he in fact is not only a terrorist, but also an anarchist, Muslim and socialist.
“Gotcha!” said Obama as he addressed thousands of supporters in Chicago, shortly after claiming victory over John McCain. “Look, I know I said I wasn’t a Muslim, I know I said I wasn’t a terrorist. But, these things are just not true. Oh, and that Barack Hussein Obama thing. That’s not true either. My real middle name is Stalin.”
Once inaugurated, Obama promises a swift, yet disordered redistribution of all possessions. “What we’re going to do, is bring trucks around, uh, to all major cities,” said Obama, “everyone is going to put their clothes and their furniture into these trucks. I’m going to have everything burned, and then redistributed by many three-legged cats.”
The new Obama has already taken criticism for his plans by all major leaders of every political party, including Democrats.
“He’s gone super villain or something.” says Jim Thompson, a former Obama supporter. “It’s like he ran two races. We should be calling him Two-Race.”
“I told ya’ll it was true. Ya’ll didn’t believe me, but now the black-devil is upon us!” says a fanatical douche-bag who was right about everything.
When asked to respond to these objections, Obama replied in great spirits, “Sure, a lot of people are against the policies of hope. People don’t think we can create a forty-mile tall statue of Allah. But, I want to reassure the American people that not only, yes we can, but yes you will or I’ll put a jihad on you and your family.”
Since the Obama announcement, the American public turned to Senator John McCain, in hopes of him contesting election results, to pull Obama out of office but have found similar surprises. “My friends,” said McCain in a press release, “I wish I could continue to push Country First into the White House, but I’m afraid I haven’t been completely truthful. You see, as President, you can only serve two terms, making me ineligible all along. The real John McCain died four years ago and I, George W. Bush took his place…and his face.”
In the hours following stunning and elegant announcements by the President Elect and the defeated Maverick, hundreds-of-thousands of Americans flooded the Canadian border attempting to flee the US, only to find increased security, in the form of a 18-foot steel barrier wall, barring them from promised land.