As Chris Van Vechten’s article so candidly presented, it’s time for a change in Washington State and we need to start with our name. Washington State is the most uncreative State name in the country and by changing it to something far more interesting and representative we’d be the first State in history to do so.

Vote for the name which you believe suits Washington best and we will then draft a proposal to the state legislature asking our elected leadership to adopt legislation to formally change the name of our state.  In 2010, The Melon will endorse only those candidates who agree to change the name from Washington to our newly endorsed alternative.

It may be political suicide for me to say this, but when I forget to take my adderall I lose all fear of such things.  I’ve been saying it for years, as a name “Washington” is the least creative nom de guerre awarded to any state in our union.

Aside from the obvious fact that our state shares its name with the nation’s capitol (consequently leading to unnecessary confusion across the heartland) our state lacks any of the indigenous flavor that peppers our neighbors.  States christened in native tongues include: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, North/South Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Wisconsin, Wyoming.

Other states were named by explorers who found something unique about the land, it’s climate, or people.  These include: Colorado (from the spanish, “ruddy” or “red”), Florida (from the spanish Pascua Florida, meaning “feast of flowers” (Easter)), Maine (used to distinguish the mainland from the offshore islands), Montana (from the spanish word meaning “mountain.”), Nevada (spanish for “Snow-Capped”), Vermont (after the french “vert mont,” meaning “green mountain”)

A few were named after similar places.  These include: New Hampshire (From the English county of Hampshire) New Jersey (from the English island of Jersey), New Mexico (you guessed it) and New York (after the English city of York), Rhode Island (after the Greek island of Rhodes)

Finally, there are states whose names were derived from the imaginations of Europe’s most popular writers, like California and Indiana; and states with names whose origins remain a complete mystery to linguists and historians alike.  These include: Arizona, Hawaii, Idaho and Oregon.

True, a few states were named to honor certain individuals – but that was usually accomplished by adding an “a” at the end of the name:  Georiga (after England’s king Georgia II), Louisiana (in honor of Louis XIV of France), Maryland (in honor of Henrietta Maria (queen of Charles I of England), North/South Carolina (in honor of Charles I of England), Pennsylvania (in honor of Adm. Sir William Penn), Virginia/West Virginia (after Queen Elizabeth).

Washington remains the only state named after a president and that president is usually ranked second to Lincoln in the public’s esteem.

So I vote we change our name to something more appropriate and fitting of this great land we call home.  I have a list of suggestions and will be accepting more as the days and weeks go by before asking you – The Melon’s loyal readership – to vote on which name you like best.  We will then draft a proposal to the state legislature asking our elected leadership to adopt legislation to formally change the name of our state (a first in United States history).  In 2010, The Melon will endorse only those candidates who agree to change the name from Washington to our newly endorsed alternative. (We would have settled for a pledge to introduce a flat income tax but that seems unrealistic.)  The following is my brief list of alternatives.

1)  North Oregon

2)  West Idaho

3)  New Canada

4)  American Columbia

5)  Cascadia

6)  Salmonia

7)  Seatacolycane (Seattle -Tacoma -Olympia-Spokane)

8)  Clevelend’s Folly

9)  Middle Earth

10)  Altruria

11)  Ecotopia

12)  Camelot

13)  Wankalupa

14)  Aquaterra (water land)

15)  Verdeterra (green land)

16)  Washingtonia

17)  Skoocoom (lummi for “supernatural”)

18)  Sasquatch

19)  Holistic

You may vote for any of these or suggest your own. The top 10 will be funneled into a poll until we reach the final name.

The Melon has just received word that the 2010 World Tulip Summit will be taking place in our very own Washington State. We’d heard rumors of the splendor that is the Skagit Valley Tulips but now they’re officially world renown.

The 2010 World Tulip Summit will take place April13-15 up in Skagit Valley, which is about 2 hours North of Tacoma and 1 hour North of Seattle.

What is the World Tulip Summit exactly? Apparently is an event where tulip experts, festival organizers, enthusiasts, aficionados and tulip-crazy individuals convene to talk shop, celebrate the beauty of the flower and promote the symbols of tulips – friendship and spring.

Find out more about this gorgeous festival at http://www.2010worldtulipsummit.com/.

Tall Ships is sunk; at least for the foreseeable future. Most natives to Tacoma fondly remember 2005 when the ships first sailed into the City of Destiny. The event itself was unspeakably cool and something very alien to Tacoma: a festival that was created by the Non-Profit Organization, Tacoma Events Commission, for the sole purpose of cultivating the community of the city. Strangely enough, it worked. The festival in 2005 was a resounding success. Thanks to the tireless efforts of the Tacoma Events Commission a group of non-profit volunteers networked with local businesses to create a majestic weekend for the citizens of this gun-metal gray cesspool. In 2008, however, the vultures that govern this city gorged themselves on the carcasses of the small businesses that were civically minded enough to invest their resources in Tall Ships.

The main difference between Tall Ships 2005 and Tall Ships 2008 (aside from the 400,000 USD that businesses were stiffed) was leadership. By 2005, the Tacoma Events Commission has spent four years of work to get the Ships into the city and after succeeding in starting a festival that was intended to enrich Tacoma for decades to come, everybody involved got reimbursed for their goods and services; even the police who charged an extra twenty grand for security at an event where the most dangerous thing was the amount of sugar being ingested by the patrons. But such behavior elicited by the Tacoma police department is a vast improvement from a few years ago when the chief was playing Russian roulette with his wife and everybody lost. Contrast the success of 2005 Tall Ships with the fiscal black hole of 2008. In 2008, the leadership was politicized away from the Tacoma Events Commission to Thea Foss Development Authority whose most notable achievement was constructing a museum of hippie paraphernalia associated with a pseudo-celebrity pretending to be an artist.

That and the vista of empty condos are great examples of the sheer idiocy of Thea Foss Development Authority. In their shortsighted if not blatantly dastardly strategy, TFDA thought it wise to funnel local dollars into out-of-town event planners. Because, logically, who better to re-vamp an already successful festival if not event planners from Mercer Island and Bellevue?

That’s not the worst of the Tall Ships pillage however. The most egregious acts of looting were when TFDA left numerous local businesses holding their empty hats when it came time to pay the bills. The best example is when the night before the event, TFDA contacted the local Signs by Tomorrow and took their name in the most literal translation. TFDA ordered thousands of signs in the evening that needed to be done the very next morning. Signs by Tomorrow worked their asses off throughout the night, completed the order, and then after Tall Ships was over, TFDA dicked them on the bill. They got nothing—less than nothing, in fact, because now they were out the materials for the signs and labor. If you don’t believe me call Signs by Tomorrow, and they will be happy to articulate how difficult it is for a small business to recovery from such an affront—if it is even possible. And why was Signs by Tomorrow so eager to front an order for the Tall Ships people? Because in 2005, when Tacoma Events Commission ran things, raping local business and re-directing local money to out-of-town assholes was not on their agenda. Signs by Tomorrow are only one example. The list of those who got fucked out their livelihood is rather lengthy including, but not limited to: AA Party Rentals, The Pollard Group, numerous dealers, vendors and sound system providers. TFDA also substantially raised the fee to have a table at the event promising an increase in sales to all those involved. That didn’t happen. The opposite happened instead. In 2008, pirates sailed into the city, raped and pillaged it for at least 400,000 dollars, then sailed away never to return.

The best part (or worst part, depending on your perspective) is that although these local businesses where collectively robbed for 400,000 USD, it is so expensive to go to court in this country where justice has a price-tag (as does everything else) that if one of the affronted business went to court, they would then heap on the associated fees with their current losses. That is to say: as the local businesses struggle in the upcoming years to recuperate their losses, they would also spend thousands of dollars and hours of their time to sue people who are rich enough to follow the law at the discretion of profit.

So I say, “Bon Voyage” to Tall Ships, and “Fuck you I hope there is a special ring of Hell for social rapists” to anyone involved in the 2008 plunder of Tacoma.

“I heart the 253″

Jack Faust

After learning a few weeks ago that the Tacoma School Board will finally start filming their meetings we were pleased to be able to set up a meeting with current School Board Member & Director for Resources for Education and Career Help (REACH) Kurt Miller.

Kurt was generous enough to sit down with us to discuss the decision to start filming, what that means, some of the current issues facing Tacoma Schools, as well as give us some information about the exciting new REACH center being built for Tacoma youth.  (Length – 42:04)

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As a former University of Puget Sound student who worked on the “Yes on Three” campaign to bring ranked choice voting (or, as we called it during the campaign, instant runoff voting) to Pierce County in 2006, I was disappointed to hear the news that the Pierce County Council voted put a repeal measure on the ballot this fall. Its action flies in the face of how well ranked choice voting (RCV) is working in other states and the rising support for the system, which now includes President Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain.

Talking to friends back in Pierce County, the perception is that not enough voters understand the system. This comes as a big surprise to me. Of the countless number of voters that I talked to in 2006, only a single person objected to the system because they thought it was confusing. In the nine other municipalities that have run ranked choice elections this decade, voters have handled it quite well – in fact the number of invalid ballots was very low in Pierce’s RCV races as well. I have faith that people in my former county can handle ranking candidates just as well as they can in any of the other places using RCV.

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Having starved my body enough of its vital nutrients, I cracked the other day when handed a free sample of a basic staple of life: Starbucks new instant VIA coffee, named after the man who invented their own brand: Don Valencia.  This new VIA coffee has been in development for 20 years, and was finally released this year, two years after Don Valencia’s death.

Consumer ethics is hard to follow these days with so many super mega store options.  The aisles are full of canned crap, where consumers are becoming more distant from their food sources, many of which are made under slave-like conditions or are practically stolen from the host country, never paying a fair wage for a top product.  After attending Seattle’s Green Festival last weekend, I decided to never again buy chocolate that is not Fair Trade certified after watching a film of Guyana boys being beaten and forced to work without wage to support us.  The ending line that blazed in my brain was of an African boy stating, “You eat my flesh.”

Starbucks is Fair Trade certified.  Has been for years.  They are kind of a pioneer in that field.  Currently, they are one of the largest buyers of Fair Trade coffee, doubling their purchases to 40 million pounds this year alone, making them the largest purchaser of Fair Trade certified coffee in the world.  Social responsibility earns lots of points in my book.

So does buying local and from local businesses.  Which leaves me in another quandary.  Go Local Tacoma says that for every buck spent in Tacoma, approximately .68 cents stay in the community.  Is Starbucks considered local to Washington?  Just because they are a huge corporate organization dedicated to bring in the honey money for their stock holders by selling sub-par coffee (for the most part) doesn’t just fully write them out of the “local” scene.  The fight exits within our ranks of what, exactly, “local” means.  Washington?  The Pacific Northwest?  West coast?  United States?  North America?  For myself, I stick with Northwest products as much as possible.  Since Starbucks is based in Washington, my conscience can buy their coffee and feel good about supporting “my” local area.

The next question arises, is Starbucks fighting back against McDonald’s witty coffee campaign?  I think I laughed myself silly on the way to work last fall while listening to a McDonald’s radio ad, where a emotional hippy upstart was changed into a conservative business Republican after having McDonald’s latte.  The political fight of Republicans accusing liberals of being elitist is carried out in McDonald’s campaign strategy.  Huffington Post reports that Starbucks is repositioning away from their elitist $4 coffee drinks and in its place offer things like: value meal “breakfast pairings” at a cost of $3.95 to “appeal to cost-conscious customers.”  Starbucks, after all, made it cool to pay a high price for a cuppa Joe, bringing in scarf-wearing women and the metrosexual men to “hang out” in the posh Starbucky setting.

Another cost-cutting four-buck buster is the new Starbucks VIA, released this past February.  When I opened the tiny packet and watched the finely grounded beans dissolve in a cup of hot water, I was positioned over the sink, expecting to spew it out and decry the decay of coffee in America.  When young bucks and hussies are reduced to dissolving coffee beans in their water, it is just not a good sign for America’s values–what are we coming to?  Instant breakfasts, dissolved in a glass of Oprah’s Acai juice?  Instant friendships that can be consumed with a beer?  Instead of spewing, I drank.  To the dregs.  This coffee was impresive, despite being instant (my inner elitist comes out in regards to “instant” coffee).  Starbucks VIA contains the original essential oils from the finely-ground coffee beans, which seems to be the secret ingredient–traditional instant coffee lacks those essential oils which gives good coffee its rich and full-bodied flavor and aroma.

Despite the impressive taste, Starbucks VIA instant coffee is better at what, I ask?  Beating back home invaders?  Overcoming entropy?  Providing a clean, renewable source of energy?  Perhaps solving the meaning of life?  VIA gains ground on the fact that it allows me to fuel up any time, any where, and will allow yet more minerals to be leeched from my system as I become more dependent on coffee; and for a cheaper price, too.

Cheap and instant.  The way Americans like their women and now, their coffee.

image by http://www.flickr.com/photos/cafemama/

It is my sad duty to report on some of the developments the Pierce County GOP and Democratic Party have begun involving themselves in.  As politically aware residents know, RCV (Ranked Choice Voting) was implemented for the first time this past November in Pierce County elections.  It was fervently opposed by both our local Democratic and Republican Party’s but when the issue was put on the ballot the will of the people proved in favor of the system.  Since then, the Parties’ complaints have been endless.

This Friday, February 6, 2009, the League of Woman Voters is planning a forum on RCV at the University of Puget Sound (6:00 PM, Wheelock Student Center) and at least the Democrats (most likely the Republicans too) are already mustering out their volunteers to see that “their voices are heard” – specifically that they are heard by certain influential members of the county Charter Review Commission.

To quote Pierce County Democratic Chair, Nathe Lawver.

Though the party has not taken an official vote on the issue, it is apparent that the experiment in our electoral system failed. All the promises of the promoters saw opposite results. There was a 20 percent undervote in key county-wide races (they said more people would participate); it was to be less expensive (even future costs without start-up are projected to be larger than running just a primary); and there are other reasons, too.

It pains me to see fellow Democrats twist facts in order to reveal the underlying truth.  On the one hand, Nathe is correct: RCV is a bad idea which is why I voted against it in 2006.  My concern then, as now, is that RCV improves the chances of fringe radicals like Robert Hill, Will Baker, and now our County Treasure, Dale Washam, thereby undermining the genius of a two-party system which (in theory) is supposed to be a check on radicalism and a bulwark of moderate, manageable, change (similar to that which Barack Obama appears to offer).

But on the other hand, when Nathe says, “There was a 20 percent under vote in key county-wide races (they said more people would participate)” he’s sorta misleading his readers.  The reason I say that is because – while it is true that many people did not fully understand the RCV system – there were many more who simply refused to participate either out of protest or, as I personally believe, to discredit the electoral system for post-election review.  In fact, on several occasions I witnessed prominent individuals in my own party personally encourage fellow voters and party members not to rank the candidates past the Democratic roster or even past their personal favorite candidate.  While I can’t claim their actions account for a 20% reduction in participation, I don’t find it hard to believe that other like-minded individuals simply refused to participate either to protest the system (despite the fact that it was put in place by the majority) or because they simply had neither a second nor third choice candidate.

Please do not misunderstand, I’m all for getting rid of RCV.  But let’s go about doing this democratically by putting the issue back on the ballot for the people to decide – influencing them with untainted facts about the system and its results.

When I was in the 6th grade, one of the books I chose to read was entitled “A Day No Pigs Would Die.” It was a story of a young boy growing up on a farm with the task of raising a baby pig. Through bonding with the pig, the young boy learned about friendship; what the boy didn’t know was that once the pig reached a certain size it would be slaughtered. This news turned the boy’s life upside down. He first had to grasp the fact the he would lose a friend that he had come to love and that he would be the one to have to kill it (I believe with a spike and hammer). Now I might have missed the point of the story, but that’s what I got from reading the book. It was an awfully slow read for a slow reader like me, and it seemed as if the story would never end. I even thought about picking up Cliff Notes so I could get the report over with and not have to spend any more time to the book; however, I decided to see it through to the end. How would I know that many years later in my whimsical attempt at adult life that I would find myself in a somewhat parallel situation?

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