The Melon» John McCain

The “What If” Inaugurals

Chris Van Vechten — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 08:00:10 +0000

John McCain

My friends,

Never have I been prouder to be an American than I am today. Over the years I have made it my personal responsibility to take on the lobbyists and special interests, the liberal media, the liberal foreign media, and the liberal Daily Show; I have even actively taken a stand against the corrupt elements within my own party. My actions have earned me both the nomenclature of “The Maverick” and some of the worst working relationships in Washington. But, my friends, this was all because I cared more about preserving the character, conduct and convictions which have made this country so great, than I cared about my own character, conduct and convictions. My friends, I said I would rather win a war and lose an election, and you took me at my word. I suspended my campaign for president last October to fix an economic crisis that has only gotten worse, and still I retain the people’s faith in me. This faith lies not in my experience as a senator, but in my experience as a servant to my country. This experience takes me back many decades ago when I wasn’t so honored, so esteemed, but was instead a prisoner in a far away land……

Sarah Palin

(pausing to wink at the assembled masses)

Well folks isn’t this a great day to be a citizen of the United States of America.

(applause)

Seven score and thirteen years ago, our forefathers – and foremothers…

(applause followed by hooting)

brought forth a new nation, conceived in liberty – albeit out of wedlock. Since then, great men like Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush have worked tirelessly to correct the mistakes of the past and to update our hallowed constitution to address the needs of our 21st century Union, thereby bringing it more in line with what our Lord and savior intended in the beginning….

Hillary Clinton

Thank you, Thank you

I am so humbled to once again answer the call of service through leadership for our nation. Last time I stood here as a partner to my husband, President Bill Clinton, and now he stands here for me. Only in a country as free as America could a former first lady expect to one day out-do her husband.

It goes without saying that the road which has led me here has been marked by trial and sacrifice, but it must be remembered that it was a road we did not walk alone. There are some here today who have been with me from the beginning. To you I owe my everlasting thanks. There are others whose support I have still yet to earn. To you I say “never fear, I intend to be both patient and merciful with you….”

Joe Biden

(out of breath)

I’m sorry, the train was late getting here.

Dennis Kucinich

…..I believe in a government that does more than provide the people with a common defense, but also provides the people with a country worth defending. I believe that now is the time to beat ours swords into plows and our corporations into co-ops. I believe in an end to war and terror, for while we can always bomb our enemies into pieces we can never hope to bomb them into peace….the fact that a lowly congressman from Cincinnati with less than five-feet in stature could nonetheless reach for the stars and there find life-long friends, among other life-forms, is truly a testament to how great our country really is.

Ron Paul

…savor the moment America, enjoy this inauguration while it lasts. For I promise this inauguration will be the last tax-expenditure this country will ever see.

Rudy Giuliani

The sense of unity, and coming togetherness which we are witnessing today, reminds me of 9/11 for the following reasons…..

Insane in the Membrane, Insane, Can’t Explain Arabic Name

Johnny Boulevard — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 14:00:49 +0000

Anyone who says that Barack Hussein Obama’s middle name is the same as Saddam’s last name, is enormously misinformed. This isn’t a “oh you can’t go there” issue, this is a “you are demonstrably wrong and I can prove that is not true” issue.

In Arabic nomenclature “Hussein” would not ever actually refer to Saddam Hussein Adb Al-Majid Al-Tikriti. The way Arabic names work is you are given your first name (i.e. Saddam), then the second name is your father’s given name (Hussein), the third name is your paternal grandfather’s given name (Abd, which if you’re clever, you’ll notice should also be the father’s second name), the fourth name is Al-family name (i.e. Al-Majid, meaning ‘of the Majid family’), and the fifth/last name is Al-location of birth (i.e. Al-Tikriti, meaning ‘from the Tikriti district’).

So for example, John McCain’s name in Arabic Nomenclature would be “John John John Al-McCain Al-Panama.” And apparently everyone in the country would call him “John John”… does everyone see why that’s stupid or do I need to keep going?

Referring to Saddam as “Hussein” makes about as much sense as referring to Samuel Wurzelbacher as “Joe”… oh wait …

Here we go, referring to him as “Saddam Hussein” is like calling our current President “George W.”…goddammit!

One more try: it’d be like if you referred to Reagan as “Ronald Wilson” it sounds like a name but it’s not the way to identify who you’re talking about. Yeah. Third time was the charm.

Now in accordance with Godwin’s Law, I will make the obligatory reference to Hitler. Unfortunately, Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin had NO middle names. So if you don’t have a middle name, congratulations, your parents might have named you after Hitler. Enjoy those red arm bands and those nice Jewish children who will be beating you up at the flagpole after school.

I guess it’d be like criticizing someone with the middle name of Harvey (Lee _ Oswald), or Willis (Charles _ Manson), or Wilkes (James _ Booth). Although I think if you name your kid Anything Wilkes Anything you’re just asking for someone to kick him in the crotch. Repeatedly.

Trick or Terrorist

Electric Elliot — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 14:00:10 +0000

An photo of the "Obama 4" taken by a Renton resident

This October 31st was more than just candy and costumes for neighborhood homes in Renton, WA. As children rang doorbells for treats, a gang of Halloween terrorists dressed in Barack Obama masks created utter mayhem by asking instead, for unity and promising socialized medicine.

“I couldn’t believe it,” says Ann Victor, a mother of three. “I opened the door expecting to find a bunch of cute princesses or zombies, and there were four Muslims promising me coverage on my dental. What a horror!”

The terrorists, or Obama 4, as has been coined by the Renton Police, are alleged to have trick or treated at over five-thousand homes, demanding treats or threatening candy-givers with lower taxes and pulling out of the Iraq war.

Thomas Putnam’s son Jerry, age 6, was answering the door with treats when the Obama 4 approached. “They spoke to him elegantly and talked about better education and caring for one another rather than catering to corporate interest,” says Thomas, “No child should have to grow up in a world where people bring goodwill onto others. That’s domestic terrorism!”

Obama mask used by the terrorists

The Renton police have been stumped as to who might be involved with the terrorist attack. “We considered possibilities in the John McCain campaign,” says Police Chief Ken Sharp, “But universal healthcare coverage and ending futile wars is something the McCain campaign would never force onto others.”

John McCain issued a statement soon after the attacks, denouncing the actions of terrorists. “My condolences go to the families and victims of these brutal, distasteful and dishonorable attacks,” says McCain, “This gives further evidence, my friends, that an American under Barack Obama is an America filled with hate, terrorism, and decent family men. I’m for tricks, not terrorism!”

The Obama campaign refused to comment, dismissing the acts as “just some silly kids playing around.”

A warrant for the arrest of the Obama 4 has been put out by the Renton Police Department, though none have been made.

Joe “the Plumber” Gets Schooled

Johnny Boulevard — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 21:30:23 +0000

For those of you who have been living under a rock… on Mars… with your fingers in your ears… going ‘lalalalalalalalalala’…

Okay, maybe you have been under a rock. Here’s a recap: So, Joe the Plumber is this guy who went up to Barack Obama in front of some cameras and said he was planning on buying a plumbing business that makes 250k-280k a year, and wanted to ask Obama about his tax policy. Obama laid out why his plan was better, saying that by significantly cutting taxes for the people making less than a quarter million a year, it would help increase the number of customers, and added that he’s not increasing taxes that much, it’s just 3% more on what’s made over 250k. So if Joe the plumber is thinking about buying this business and making lets say $270,000 a year before taxes, he’s apparently unwilling to buy the business and make only $269,400 before those same taxes. Does this remind anyone else of when the House Republicans wouldn’t pass the 700 billion dollar bailout bill without an additional 150 billion in earmarks? But Joe rose to national attention when John McCain decided to make his entire campaign “vote for me, I will make life better for Joe the Plumber… not the 95% of you who make less than 250k a year, but just Joe the Plumber” and mentioned him 21 times in the third presidential debate.

Here’s why Joe the Plumber is an absolute waste of our attention:

1- Joe’s real name is Samuel Joe Wurzlebacher, that’s right he’s not even telling the truth about his own name. He introduced himself as “Hi there, Joe Wurzelbacher” to Barack Obama, yes, three words in and he started lying. I know this seems like a harsh judgment, but keep reading and you’ll be amazed at just how little he says is true. I shall also be referring to him as Sam, and/or Sam the Liar, because I know a lot of good people named Joe, and I don’t want to sully the name further than Sam already has.

2- Sam doesn’t have a plumbing license. There is a law that says if the company takes credit for it, he can plumb using the companies license. I find this to be odd that he’s identifying himself by something he can’t do alone. It’d be like if he were single and we were referring to him as Joe the Procreator, that doesn’t work for non-asexual entities, and “plumber” doesn’t work for non-licensed anyone.

I think I shall start to call him Sam the Masturbator, because while it is a very graphic nickname, it’s the only work he’s allowed to do with pipes without someone else vouching for him first.

3- Sam owes $1,200 in back taxes because he doesn’t like to pay the full amount. Sam, if you haven’t paid the taxes you already owe, I think you need to shut the fuck up with your criticism of the guy who’s offering you about $2,000 extra dollars of tax relief (between the tax cuts and the emergency energy rebate.) Hey maybe you can use some of that money to pay off your back taxes, because believe it or not, paying taxes IS patriotic. You are paying for the government, without taxes there would be ludicrously expensive postal service, a toll for EVERY road you drive on, and uh, NO military, I think that last one is kind of the tipping point for even the right (most of the right) wingers.

4- Sam owes $727.90 in Mesa, Arizona for running a red light and not having insurance on his vehicle. Are you fucking kidding me? I was going to tell you to go to Hell with your $800 left over dollars, but I think you should actually go to Mesa with it, they probably need the money since McCain sure as hell won’t give them any earmarks.

5- Sam’s driver’s license has been suspended in Arizona, and he is not supposed to have one in Ohio while his Arizona license isn’t valid. We already knew you couldn’t drive because of your time in Arizona, but to know that legally you should not be able to drive just makes this all the funnier. You shouldn’t be driving or plumbing, but then again you shouldn’t be speaking on a national stage either for that matter, so I guess I can’t really criticize you for these. It’s like yelling at a kid for leaving the T.V. on while he set fire to the house with a can of gas.

6- Sam makes $40,000 a year, which means Obama would give him EIGHT times the tax cuts that McCain is offering ($892 vs $113). You say you don’t want to vote for Obama because he would tax you more. So basing your vote for McCain on the tax policy is what we call masochism, Sam. You have learned the facts and decided that you don’t really need an extra $779 a year, when earlier the difference between $270,000 and $269,400 a year before taxes was a deal-breaker for you. I think we all need to ask ourselves why we would listen to someone who is this stupid.

7- The business Sam is thinking of buying only makes well under $100,000 a year, and Sam doesn’t have any immediate intention to buy it. I’ve been combing through your comments with both hands and a flashlight, I think I’m more likely to find Osama bin Laden in your house making his beard out of the hair you shave off your head than you being honest and truthful.

8- Sam said he was an undecided voter. He’s actually one of the McCain surrogates now. How real common man of you Sam the Opportunist. Sam even agreed that Obama “would mean certain death for Israel” despite not being able to mention a single stance of Obama’s relative to Israel when asked. ON FOX NEWS. Sam the Bullshit Artist, when even FOX calls you out as a right wing wacko, you know you’ve lost your fucking mind.

9- As I said, Sam said he was an undecided voter. HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE IN THIS ELECTION! The G.O.P. instituted an exact match rule in Ohio that says their information and yours must match to the letter, and someone misspelled Wurzelbacher (this is probably how he got an Ohio driver’s license) and as such, Joe the Plumber is really Joe the disenfranchised Plumber. Seriously Sam? You can’t talk coherently, drive, vote, or plumb? The fact that you are somehow the poster child for the Republican party, but are prey to their voter suppression tactics and your life would be incredibly better under the Democratic party shows that John McCain vetted you with the same care and focus as he did Caribou Barbie (much credit to Stephanie Miller for coming up with that term.)

Sincerely,

Johnny Boulevard

Presidential Debate Live Blog II: The Revenge

Chris Van Vechten — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:38:23 +0000

DON’T FORGET TO REFRESH FOR UPDATES

5:34PM: Here we are, just…..26 minutes till the second presidential debate. Soon America’s favorite POW will square off with the country’s most popular son of both a Kenyan goat herder and a White woman from Kansas.

5:43PM: Apparently this debate is all about the slim number of undecided voters who are going to determine the electoral vote this time around: voters like vegan gun-owners or Wiccans for free trade.

5:47PM: I miss Ross Perot.

5:50PM: On a scale of luke-warm to five-alarm fire, how “heated” do you think this debate down in Dixie will be?

5:55PM: Matt Lewis just said, he just said that McCain should attack Obama for having a colleague at U of C who was a former member of “terrorist organizations” like the Weathermen.

Walker Lindley

Right now CNN has a smarmy guy on who’s clearly a McCain partisan, but is just being labeled as a blogger. Ugh, the whole point of blogging is that you can be up front about your bias. There was another “blogger” there, but they didn’t give her a chance to speak at all.

5:58PM: ”smarmy” is a good adjective.

6:00PM: Has anyone ever heard of Bellmonte University before? Oh well, I’m just glad Tennessee even has colleges now.

6:02PM: What’s the point of asking the public to submit questions if the mediator gets to chose which get asked? This is like those filtered YouTube debates.

6:04PM: Is Obama wearing a purple tie? That’s a pretty bold move for him to take.

6:07PM: Why do people hate lobbyists so much? What is more democratic than a group of citizens (or industries) pooling their money together to buy a voice in Washington?

6:09PM: McCain “Not you Tom” BURN. Why not appoint the monopoly guy?

6:10PM: McCain is doing surprisingly well on the economy. He started ducking the first question but he recouped by proposing a fairly liberal BIG GOVERNMENT program to buy up bad mortgages and effectively fixing prices.

Walker Lindley

Wow, McCains knows what eBay is. Maybe he’ll start using the intarwebz soon.

6:13PM: Maybe that’s where he met Sarah Palin while browsing for a used airplane?

Walker Lindley

Also, McCain said he wants the Treas. Sec. to buy up mortgages and renegotiate them. That can’t happen under the current plan, though, because we’re buying the securities and the mortgages have already been split up into so many pieces, we can’t really put them back together. The only way to allow for renegotiation is to let judges do it, but Republicans have been vehemently against that and McCain certainly didn’t convince his friends to change their position.

6:16PM: Obama “you’re not interested in politicians picking fingers.” Really?

6:17PM: Obama’s crashing. He just missed a golden opportunity to call upon the American people to sacrifice and urge Congress to pushing for a New Age New Deal. Instead, he told us we shouldn’t believe that things are going to get worse before they get better.

6:21PM I think if McCain were to be elected, he would earnestly try to reform, “clean-up” and “fix” Washington. The problem is, I’m more interested in a president who will work to fix the country. This is essentially trickle-down politics.

6:25PM: ”MY FRIENDS” METER = 13.

6:26PM: Shouldn’t this crisis on Wall Street demonstrate the futility of privatizing social security?

6:28PM: ”Sacrifices” Thank God. Someone asked it!

6:29PM: McCain “eliminate government programs related to defense that simply do not work.” Could he mean the CIA?

Chris “The Wedge” to Live-Blog Presidential Debate!

Electric Elliot — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 06:35:58 +0000

Chris “The Wedge” Van Vechten has enthusiastically volunteered to live-blog tomorrow’s Presidential Debate. As with Electric Elliot’s recent live-blog, Chris will bring you up to date analysis on McCain and Obama.

But wait, there’s more! You can participate by commenting on Chris’s post! Chris will be checking the comment stream, bringing in those he likes the best and replying.

Be sure to join us tomorrow at 6pm PST.

“Made in America” Joins GOP Presidential Ticket

J. Anthony — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 07:08:35 +0000

All of a sudden, radio mouthpiece Michael Savage and a few other prominent hypocrits on the lost Right are in agreement with Barack Obama, who said that he wouldn’t want his own daughters “punished with a baby”…

I’m no longer a fan of Michael Savage, not that I ever really was. His tirade on the air today against Alaska Governor and GOP Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin proved that Savage is the very rock bottom of the barrel, whose off-base right wing idiocy and unintelligent emotions have gotten the best of him. Take it from me, a right-winger.

When John McCain chose Palin, he solidified my vote for this year’s GOP ticket. Average people like me realize that while she was no doubt a political pick first, Governor Palin represents those of us who have always been patted on the head and told to just trust our government. SHE is the only person on either ticket who actually DOES represent real change – the only Washington outsider – the only one whose “controversial” baggage represents what many of us in the real world actually face in our real lives.

VP Nominee Sarah Palin gives all young American girls, and the rest of us as well, a renewed sense of equality and a solid role model to emulate. How? By simply staying true to her own values. She has not been molded by anyone. She challenges those who need challenging, including the GOP leadership (evidenced by the Alaska GOP turning her into Persona Non Grata in their own state, which only strengthened her chance at winning the Governor’s race).

I am extremely proud that my young punishment, er, daughter has the opportunity to watch these historic events unfold. We both realized what a historic moment we were witnessing Friday morning. She saw a woman on TV who seems “just like us,” and who talks “just like us,” and who cares about what we care about. In other words, a “change” in politics. Too bad she’ll be too young to vote by one year when Palin runs after McCain’s second term. Sarah Palin is a wonderful gift to the lost Republican Party, who I have no doubt will win the hearts of Americans like she did Alaskans. Bravo, Senator McCain.

Palin appeals to young people. She’s very independent, firm, beautiful, and even more phenomenon-ish than Mr. Obama. There’s no doubt in my ex-military mind that she’s got more experience than Obama in just about every department (except for maybe campaign kickoffs from terrorists’ homes, sitting in a hate-”church” for over 20 years, and taking shady real estate kickbacks from known criminals). Being a legislator isn’t even experience enough to run a Brown Bear Car Wash.

Sarah Palin was my top choice for VP ever since her name entered the discussion months ago. John McCain certainly was not my first choice for President. Admittedly, back then I referred to her as “hot.” I doubted she was still a contender last week thanks to the press, and therefore was pulling for Mitt Romney as the VP. I’m obviously satisfied. Palin was the one person who I could accept (and prefer) over Romney.

I’m praying that the Palin family stays strong through this barrage of hypocrisy against them. Perseverence on their part will definitely pay off in the end. Shame on those so-called conservatives who are publicly blasting Gov. Palin – and for what, for having a 17 year-old pregnant daughter? Or is it they don’t approve of a mother of five – including one with Down syndrome – for Vice President? We’d expect this from across the aisle, but no from our own. People who live in glass houses…

Sarah Palin has already been a success for the McCain candidacy. With the announcement last week, she instantly brought out the ugliness of politics in both the Left AND many on the Right, simply by living her values. I believe that will prove to be a blessing for America in the end. Shame on Michael Savage and those like him who are slinging mud on a worthy woman who will quite possibly be our first-ever female president in 2016. Now that’s real change we can believe in.

RNC Dispatch #2

Joe La Sac — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 04:38:09 +0000

Second day at the RNC, even though the convention does not started until tomorrow.

But in fact, most of tomorrow’s Republican events are canceled due to Hurricane Gustav, which is barreling through the Southern states. The Republicans remember when, during Hurricane Katrina President Bush was seen playing a guitar leisurely, and are now on strict orders to get their act together and not be seen at the convention while the Southern coast is getting flooded and stormed. Most likely the Republicans will not be coming to St. Paul.

John McCain will probably be broadcasting his acceptance speech from New Orleans.

Apparently thousands of undocumented workers are stuck in New Orleans too, who are afraid of reporting to the authorities for the escape route.

The Republicans have been planning their theatrical showcase in St. Paul for over two years, but now that the Hurricane is coming for New Orleans again, all bets are off. Tomorrow’s big story is going to be Gustav, not the RNC.

Republicans prove to be fans of Affirmative Action after all!

Chris Van Vechten — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 05:25:15 +0000

What?!? Who’s Sarah Palin? Alaska? The last candidate to run from there was insane. It’s not surprising that McCain picked a woman to be his VP (I suggested that he would do exactly that over a Melon Broadcast on February 16, 2008 , Listen to minutes 67:00-70:40) though I never imagined he would pick someone so obscure, so unqualified and so obviously for partisan reasons.

1) Palin has only been governor of Alaska for 18 months – prior to which her experience in politics exclusively consisted of serving as mayor of the small arctic town of Wasilla (population 5,470 – roughly the size of Fife Washington). And yet McCain has the balls to criticize Obama for his “lack of experience” (even though he’s served in the Senate longer than JFK did prior to his 1960 run).

2) Palin’s education consists of a BA in journalism and a minor in political science from the University of Idaho. Only a freaken minor!

3) Palin’s vocational experience consists of working as a commercial fisherwoman, and reporting local sports events part-time for an Anchorage TV station. How does such a background qualify someone to make sound economic policy etc.

4) John McCain only met her once in his life prior to announcing her his VP, suggesting a total disregard for the office he has assigned her. Even at my young age I’ve applied for jobs that required follow-up interviews.

5) This is the same McCain who laughed when a supporter referred to Hillary Clinton as “a bitch” – demonstrating a true feminist streak to be sure. One can only imagine what might have happened had that same supporter referred to Obama as some other dirty word.

Sarah Palin seems like a nice enough lady, but with 72 year-old John McCain daring to make a bid for the Whitehouse at the most senior age any candidate has run in history, how can we feel safe knowing she is number two in line. Of the 43 individuals to serve as our commander and chief, 8 died in office (Harrison, Taylor, Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, Harding, Franklin Roosevelt and Kennedy) and one – Nixon – was forced to resign. Many other presidents had close-calls, including both Teddy Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan who both survived being shot (and Andrew Jackson who survived two misfires from an assassin with pistols at point-blank range) – not to mention both Andrew Johnson and Bill Clinton who were almost impeached. Having survived four battles with cancer, McCain is risking the future and security of this nation just to satisfy his party’s urge to develop the lingering wedge between the Democrat’s Hillary and Obama supporters. If McCain could have found a bisexual Jewish Eskimo in a wheelchair to run on the ticket, you can bet he would have gone for it. So much for an America where one is judged by “the content of one’s character,” not their color or chromosomes. Shameful!

Step Away From Religious Politics: Slowly.

Jen Drake — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 03:11:42 +0000

The desire for emancipation, universal happiness and prosperity has a seductive pull on the human imagination, no less played out in this political campaign season. Currently, the battles underway that America faces seems to have the common theme of a religious pull, a battle that has intoxicated groups to fight for millennia to achieve that utopian society, mastering humanoid’s destiny and control of the natural, and yes, unnatural world.

Part of that unnatural world, in my humble opinion, lies in the covert lie of democracy bullying the world and trying to force democracy—a “God-given right”—on other cultures that have no solid working concept of our version of utopia. New York Times bestseller, Chris Hedges, claims in his new book, “I Don’t Believe in Atheists” that our War on Terror is a covert fundamentalist scheme. The goal of this “war” is to violently uproot evil to make society a reasonable and civil world “ruled by the ‘rational’ forces of global capitalism.” Hedges says that this “noble vision of a harmonious world is used to justify violence and war, to turn us into criminals who carry out needless murder and torture in the name of human progress” (10). In Karen Armstrong’s book, “The Battle for God”, she says that our mythic creation story, of falling from utopia, then conquering the natural world, gives meaning to our lives (xvii), but the danger arises when myths endow us with divine power, giving us the right to shape and direct destiny, for then we seek to become gods (referencing Daniel Quinn’s book, “Ishmael”). Our refusal to acknowledge our limitations and flaws cross religious and secular lines to feed crazies, both religious and secular.

Fundamentalism is rife with personal memories. Thirteen years ago, when I was twelve, some members of my family bought into a Texas-based doomsday prophet, Larry Wilson. While writing this article I decided to Google his name, and was surprised to see he is still kicking. On his website you can find a “Do It Yourself Guide to Apocalyptic Prophecy” or read up on the local asteroid weather impact, soon to come to your neighborhood. Thankfully Wilson never felt the need to take over America and force his moral fabric thinking upon the rest of us.

There are fanatical fundamentalists out there, such as Fred Phelps, who would love to take over the political realm and put it on his resume just as much as Jessica Simpson wants to add lingerie design to her mostly terrible resume. Phelps runs his website, www.godhatesamerica.com proudly proclaiming that Americans hate their children, “raising them for the devil and hell, teaching them to murder their unborn babies, eat feces, and practice every form of sexual perversion the dark mind of man can create.” He also hosts a list of Americans dead from the Iraqi war, now 4,000 and proudly states “WBC hopes 400,000 more.” Fundamentalists like Phelps go into excruciating detail when speaking about the danger posed by their enemies, “but slip into a dreamy vagueness when they attempt to describe their new heaven and new Earth” (Hedges, 27).

Small-minded fundamentalist individuals, such as noted atheist author Christopher Hitchens to already-mentioned Baptist fanatic Fred Phelps are garnering forces for their own apocalyptic Armageddon, trying to force their absolutist black and white mentality on the masses. While Americans condemn Muslims and other agencies of their death agenda, we need look no further than the edge of our own backyard to find the same mentality within our churches, schools, stores, and government.

Black and white thinking is playing too big of a role in American politics, from electing officials who tow the religious political line (and then later get caught with drugs and prostitution rings), to our current “war on terror”. There is some good news, which is that, at least during this election cycle, evangelicals and fundamentalists are stepping away from Bush’s Republican Party. A recent survey by Beliefnet, a major online Christian website, says one major reason evangelicals are distancing themselves from the GOP is because of strong disapproval of the war in Iraq (74.7 percent), an issue of greater gravity than abortion (16 percent) and homosexuality (10.7 percent) (click for full results here). The second biggest issue with the GOP was cited as corruption. 30 percent said they voted for fewer Republicans than they had in earlier elections, and a stunning 60.7 percent said that in recent years their views about Republicans had become less positive (although 51.5 percent said their views on Democrats had grown more negative).

While evangelicals and fundamentalists are stepping away from the GOP, they aren’t fully embracing the Democratic Party either—they are just sitting this one campaign season out. Speculators believe that Senator John McCain may face the loss of the Presidential election because he is not pandering to powerful evangelical leaders like Dr. James Dobson (creator of Focus on the Family). Since McCain’s campaign has turned a deaf ear to evangelical invitations, this may assure Obama’s election, claims columnist Robert Novak. Christian conservatives are unhappy with McCain because of his positions on stem-cell research, immigration and global warming, and sponsorship of campaign-finance reform. Novak claims that an unidentified source, long-active in Christian politics, said that evangelicals believe that an Obama presidency “might be what the American people deserve.” That, writes Novak, “fits what has largely been a fringe position among evangelicals – that the pain of an Obama presidency is in keeping with the Bible’s prophecy.” If so, thank God because an Obama pain is like a tweak compared to Bush’s annihilation of our image abroad.

Not long ago John McCain rejected an endorsement from John Hagee, an influential Texas televangelist, because of Hagee’s remark that “God sent Adolf Hitler to help Jews reach the promised land.” McCain said in a statement: “Obviously, I find these remarks and others deeply offensive and indefensible, and I repudiate them. I did not know of them before Reverend Hagee’s endorsement, and I feel I must reject his endorsement as well.” While it isn’t PC to say Hitler refined God’s Chosen, Hagee is one of the strongest Evangelical Zionist leaders in this nation, sending hundreds if not thousands of Russian Jews back to Israel and fully supporting their moving and living expenses.

However painful it is to see evangelicals and fundamentalists surfacing in politics, it is a breath of fresh air to see a few evangelicals stepping away from single-issues. In a recent 19-page document called “An Evangelical Manifesto” numerous religious leaders stated that the declaration seeks “an expansion of our concern beyond single-issue politics, such as abortion and marriage.” It also condemns anti-intellectualism among fundamentalists and the “pose as victims” mentality that many U.S. evangelicals adopt. Evangelicals need a new tone in expressing their views, the document says. The culture war has become a “holy war” with a “dangerous incubation of conflicts, hatreds and lawsuits.”

While the battles we fight to end disagreement with our disruptive American policies has failed, it is safe to state that the Religious Right is also failing—at least in this election cycle (kudos to Republican McCain).

With the growth of religious fundamentalism around the world also grows a better vision of what our world needs: change. Change in demystifying cultures and beliefs. Change in unifying the world instead of ripping it apart by the seams. Change to let be that needs to be let be, and work towards the good of the citizens. Change in understanding the myth we have created in dominating nature and the political world. And maybe joining to support the new Evangelical Manifesto, and changing our “holy war” into nothingness—true Utopian “no where”.