The following excerpts constitute a list of statements taken from the websites of legitimate local candidates for public office which I thought worth repeating.

1. “Senator Carrell is committed to protecting the environment. He fought to preserve Fort Steilacoom Park, and earned funding to restore the park’s historic facilities. Mike also believes we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil by investing in renewable energy.” (State Senator Mike Carrell, GOP)

Excuse me, but since when has preserving 340 URBAN acres of soccer fields, baseball diamonds, barbecue pits and wood-chip jungle gyms fallen under the category of environmentalism? This is an artificial recreational facility, not a wildlife refuge (though I do believe hunting is illegal inside Ft Steilacoom Park, unless you happen to be Senator Carrell and own a crossbow.)

2. “Reading and writing seem to be doing the trick. However, math and science are obviously struggling- with math being a candidate for boondoggle of the decade.” (Dave Dooley, School Administrator and Candidate for State Representative, GOP)

Curiously enough, for those out there who were wondering, as a noun the word “boondoggle” is most popularly defined by Urbandictionary.com as: “A person who is dumb enough to ask the mirror to perform sexual acts for them.” However, apparently when “boondoggle” is applied as a verb, it means “Sneaking up on a woman from behind and groping her.”

3. “Last session I passed a bill that will start increasing the number of family doctors.” (Larry Seaquist, State Representative, Democrat)

I’m sure there must be more to this, but he doesn’t go any further elaborating said bill.

4. “You will be the most important person to enter my office… in person, by mail or by telephone.” (Larry Faulk, former State Senator and current GOP candidate)

I personally plan to FAX myself to Senator Faulk’s office.  But wait, it gets better.

“You will never be treated as cold statistics… but flesh-and-blood human beings with feelings and emotions like my own.”

And

“I will not argue or match wits with you… arguments are won only by avoiding them.”

Now if only the GOP could find a way to translate this position to foreign policy and military intervention. Read More >>